Talking shoes

I kept thinking about blogging last week and it just didn't happen. I was wearing what was to be my wedding shoes. After all, it's too late to return them to the store and there is no need for them to collect dust right? This got me thinking of the sayings about putting yourself in someone else's shoes... walk a mile in these shoes... other sayings .... if these walls could talk... What would my shoes tell you? If my walls could speak what would they say.

It's funny to me to think about the secrets and memories the "things" in our lives hold. I can put on a pair of shoes and have a streaming memory. I might put on a shirt and think, last time I wore this I was at Kings Island with .... It really is crazy. Some stories are to be shared and some are to be kept sacred just for me.

If I had blogged this idea a week ago this would not have been the content at all. I would have been blogging about moving on and finding new purpose in the shoes and creating new memories for them and myself. But, I'm doing that everyday. Ever day is a new memory. I get to make the choices of how I perceive situations and how I react.

Then today I discovered new music w/ lyrics that spoke volumes to me so pay no attention to the previous babble and soak this in:

Lovely
By Sara Haze

I don't wanna be hurt
I just want to be little old me
Shouldn't have to think
Who am I suppose to be today
And what gives you the right
To tell me who I should be
Who gave you that right

Cause I, I feel lovely
Just the way that I am
Yes I feel lovely
The way that I am

I know you want the best
Yeah only good things for me
But you have to realize
I can be all these things you project on me
Cause I'm beautiful to me
Doesn't that mean a thing

I feel lovely
Just the way that I am
Yes I feel lovely
The way that I am

I need that to be enough for you
Need that to be enough for you
Cause it's enough for me
It's enough for me

I'm I suppose to give up everything I am
Just to make you happy
I thought I was the one you
Always wanted me to be
It turns out I'm just little old me
I'm just little old me
And that's fine by me

Cause I, I am lovely
Just the way that I am
Oh yes I am,
Yes I am lovely
The way that I am
I am lovely lovely
I am lovely

Finality

Today I signed the papers to make the house G's. It has been quite the journey. I remember when I started this journey. When I first met G the love and the promise that just swept me away. This was to be something like no other. And in this journey I found great love. I found the ability to give of myself, things that I had never been able to give to anyone else.
I have also found that the song is right "sometimes love just isn't enough". Through my love I still could not make G happy. And I now know it is not my job to make her happy. Our happiness should not rely on each other - we should be happy with our without each other.
Knowing all of this doesn't make it easier, my heart still yearns for the love we once shared. Despite it all I know this path is the right one. And with selling the house to G I am one step closer to ending this chapter.

Hope Alone

Let's not drag this out
Everything's in motion
Though I've only ever loved you kind
And with devotion
Remember when I met you
You were leaving from the start
I thought one day you'd probably just come home
And break my heart
It's funny what you know
And still go on pretending
With no good evidence
You'll ever see that happy ending
You Looking for your distance
And sensing my resistance
You had to do your will
I had to learn the hard way
We were just an empty dream too big
For hope alone to fill
I know I'm a dreamer
So I'll give you that
Still I hope I'm more than just a place
You laid your hat
You're a land of secrets
Its only citizen
And though I paid my dues
I was never allowed in
And so I am a stranger
Especially today
Cause I get sad and lonely
And you get your way
You were looking for your distance
And sensing my resistance
You had to do your will
I had to learn the hard way
That we were just an empty dream too big
For hope alone to fill
Holding on for change
I know We never stood a chance
So I could only wait
And watch you slip right through my hands
You were always looking for your distance
And sensing my resistance
You had to do your will
I had to learn the hard way
We were just an empty dream too big

Aging Well

You're Aging Well Dar Williams (© 1993 Burning Field Music, ASCAP, Administered by Bug)

Why is it that as we grow older and stronger
The road signs point us adrift and make us afraid
Saying, "You never can win," "Watch your back," "Where's your husband?"
Oh I don't like the signs that the signmakers made.
So I'm going to steal out with my paint and my brushes
I'll change the directions, I'll hit every street
It's the Tinseltown scandal, the Robin Hood vandal
She goes out and steals the King's English
And in the morning you wake up and the signs point to you
They say, "I'm so glad that you finally made it here,"
"You thought nobody cared, but I did, I could tell,"
And "This is your year," and "It always starts here,"
And oh, "You're aging well."
Well I know a woman with a collections of sticks
She could fight back the hundreds of voices she heard
And she could poke at the greed, she could fend off her need
And with anger she found she could pound every word.
But one voice got through, caught her up by surprise
It said, "Don't hold us back we're the story you tell,"
And no sooner than spoken, a spell had been broken
And the voices before her were trumpets and tympani
Violins, basses and woodwinds and cellos, singing
"We're so glad that you finally made it here
You thought nobody cared, but we did, we could tell
And now you'll dance through your days while the orchestra plays
And oh, you're aging well."
Now when I was fifteen, oh I knew it was over
The road to enchantment was not mine to take
'Cause lower calf, upper arm should be half what they are
I was breaking the laws that the signmakers made
And all I could eat was the poisonous apple
And that's not at story I was meant to survive
I was all out of choices, but the woman of voices
She turned round the corner with music around her,
She gave me the language that keeps me alive, she said
"I'm so glad that you finally made it here
With the things you know now, that only time could tell
Looking back, seeing far, landing right where we are
And oh, you're aging, oh, and I am aging, oh, aren't we aging well?"